Checking facebook this morning and I came across an article from the Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives, entitled "Governing Motherhood" by Phyllis L. F. Rippeyoung.
At first I was apprehensive about where she was going with the article. After reading through it, I feel the authour raises some very good points.
Dr.Sears and other likeminded "parenting experts" seem to have these unbelievably unrealistic expectations of mothers. Extended breastfeeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping are all discussed like they aren't any big thing, like they are the only things mothers could and should be doing to end up with well rounded amazing adults. They (mostly men) discuss these things like there is no good reason for a woman to not commit to spending her life putting her children first. Now, I don't disagree that children should be a priority, but they shouldn't be THE priority. Putting aside just the financial reasons why extended breastfeeding, etc. are unrealistic for most women, the emotional tolls these "practices" take on women should be enough to make any expert second guess their advice. Mothers are people with children, they don't exist solely for the child, they don't exist solely for the husband. We have needs, wants, desires, dreams, we need to be emotionally nurtured while we are emotionally nurturing our families. We need independence, and we need people to finally respect that we are people first, and mothers second.
I have the upmost respect for any mother, father, parent, who can afford both financially and emotionally to live their lives just for their children but that isn't, and won't ever be me. I need more. And I fully believe my child needs me to be more.
My daughter needs me to be a strong role model for her. She needs to see that women can be whatever they want to be, they can accomplish amazing things, and they can make real, sustainable differences. These successes should never come at the health and happiness of the child, absolutely, but that should be said for both parents. Why is no one lecturing the father that spends every night at the office trying to get ahead? What about the off road trucker who leaves for weeks at a time? Why is no one telling them they should put their emotions, dreams and financial well being to the wayside so they can be present, strong father figures for their children? Why are all of the expectations on moms?
This society is so fucked up. We were raised to believe that women should be strong, and successful, yet as adults we are constantly being told we aren't good enough to get the same jobs as men, we aren't good enough to be paid the same for the same work as men, we should be putting everything aside for our children, we should be expected to work and still get home and clean the house. Men are expected to be successful, and that certainly comes with it's own pressures, but they don't experience half of the societal pressures women face. We are never good enough. There is always some new expert selling us on our insecurities. There are so many people literally profiting on the fact that women are not good enough.
When will enough be enough? When will we finally say NO, we are good enough. NO, we will not work a full time job and take care of our husbands and families the way a 50s SAHM did. NO, we will not lose our identities so that our children can be considered "healthy" to an expert who has ZERO scientific and empirical evidence to back up his claims.
Women have made major strides towards equality, but we still have a long way to go. Until I see a book by Dr.Sears or any of his kin telling a dad they aren't good enough or should be dedicating their lives to their children, we will never be equal. And until we stand up and stop buying the crap their feeding us, this will never happen.
